12 common Misconceptions about love you should know

1. Love is a 50/50 partnership 😭

Many people view love as a two-way street, with each person receiving affection in proportion to what’s been given out. It’s true that love often breeds love in return, but expecting a measured response for each gesture of affection is unrealistic. Worse, it leads to score keeping and the constant feeling that one is doing either too much or too little.

The reality is more like a series of candles, each lighting the others. Some candles are large, some are small. One person’s 80% love may glow dimmer than someone else’s 20% show of love. Sometimes we pour love in a constant stream toward someone who is not yet able to give it back. Try to give 60%, 70%, or even 100% in every relationship you are part of. You never know which candle may be just a few seconds away from sparking.

2. Love Conquers All 🌚

Now a days from music to movies to literature, everywhere you turn in mainstream media you hear love is all you need, love conquers all, love lifts us up where we belong, and I could go on and on. Love is for sure a beautiful thing. Love is also necessary in order for a relationship to last, but it’s not enough. Sometimes two people just don’t fit, it’s unfortunate, but it’s just a fact.

The reason most people are so jaded is they stay in relationships that aren’t working for way too long. They try to be what the other person needs, they try to make it work by any means necessary, they try with all their might and wind up broken and defeated. You simply cannot shove a square peg into a round hole. It doesn’t matter how many ways you try, you will never be able to make it fit.

There’s this idea that if you love someone enough, it will just work out. But sometimes it doesn’t. It doesn’t mean your love wasn’t real, it just means that there were other factors at play and as a result, it just couldn’t work long-term.

While love is very powerful and capable of conquering some things, it isn’t always strong enough to conquer others, like different backgrounds, values, goals, visions for the future for example. Most of all, love simply cannot conquer incompatibility. So have that in mind, there are moments you just have to move on and stop wasting your time. 

3. He or she is lucky in love  🤦🏽‍♂️

That belief is a serious joke and holds no foundation, it is a nonsense belief according to Erich Fromm a seasoned writer, you should check him out . 

You can learn the “art of loving,” Just in the same way you have mastery of any art, the capacity to be loving requires “mastery of the theory” and “mastery of the practice. Crucially, "there is a third factor necessary to becoming a master in any art—the mastery of the art must be a matter of ultimate concern; there must be nothing else in the world more important than the art.”

Given there are so many failed relationships and marriage,  the truth is only a few set of people truly values “the art of loving others.” Why?

Because most people consider success, money, prestige and power to be more important than love despite our deep seated craving for love. 

almost all our energy is used for the learning of how to achieve these aims, and almost none to learn the art of loving.”

If you want to have a healthy love relationship go and learn it, build yourself, there is no luck anywhere, you have to learn to be patient, kind and lots more. The bible tells us my people perish for lack of knowledge 

4. Love is blind  👀

Make sure to open your eyes very well, there is nothing like love is blind when it comes to relationship, if you close your eyes to his/her flaws it can lead to the slow death of that relationship.

Love isn’t about pretending not to notice problems. It’s about seeing problems, understanding them, and forging onward despite them. It’s about seeing people for who they are and who they can become. It’s about acknowledging imperfections and choosing not to make a fuss about them. 

When problems arise, don’t ignore them. Instead have the courage to say, “This is not right, but we can fix it.” Try to view your loved ones as partners in the search for a solution, and not as the source of the problem.

Love is not blind. Love sees, and it makes us feel safe to be seen. 

5. Only True Love Lasts 😍

My people one important truth to realize is not all love that is meant to last, sometimes it’s just part of the journey. Loving someone does not mean they are the right person for you. It doesn’t guarantee you a happily ever after. More often than love leading to marriage, love leads to heartbreak…and the heartbreak can lead to growth..and this growth can lead to another love, one that can lead to a lasting marriage.

In one way or the other most of you must have been in relationship with the  wrong people. While some of these experiences may have left you with a lot of shattered pieces to put back together, you would agree with me that time has shown that none of those guys were right for you. It doesn’t mean the love you shared was flawed or not enough, it just means that you weren’t right for each other.

The sad fact is most relationships end with bitterness and hate, Especially when the God factor is thrown out of the equation. One or both people leave the relationship thinking they were owed something, and they blame the other for not following through on this unwritten promise. If we could all just realize that love does not guarantee a happy ending, we would be able to move forward much more easily, and would be able to start a new relationship with an open heart, rather than one shrouded by pain and disappointment.

6. True love knows no bounds 🏃🏽‍♂️

It’s not easy to be trapped between the people you care about and the choice you know is right. Many of us have stood in that difficult place and listened with heavy hearts to the inevitable words: “If you really loved me, you would do what I ask.”

Loving someone doesn’t mean giving them everything they want. One of the most difficult, empowering, and life changing expressions of love is the willingness to say no.

7. Loving someone means never letting go🥺

We all make sacrifices for the people we love, but there’s a big difference between changing your plans for someone else’s benefit and allowing yourself to be swallowed up in self-destructive behaviors that benefit no one.

Remember that sacrifice is about exchanging something of worth for an outcome we value even more. Like a chess player giving up a pawn in order to advance his queen, we let go of our own desires in order to improve the well-being of those we love. If our selfless gestures fail to achieve this goal, they cease being sacrifices and become waste.

You never have to stop caring about someone. But sometimes, for your own safety and sanity, it’s important to step away, regain perspective, and create an environment that allows everyone to grow. You can still love and let go! 

8. Being loved cures loneliness 🤦🏽‍♂️

No one likes to feel alone. Feelings of isolation can become crippling, like an all-consuming whirlwind that funnels into a black pit of despair. When you’re trapped in that pit, it’s easy to feel that if someone – anyone – would just care about you, things would get better.

The truth is that people do care. They just haven’t figured out how to say it in a way that gets past the whirlwind. They want to help, but they can’t. No amount of love poured in from outside can fill up the aching chasm of loneliness.

Fortunately, there is hope. Often the chasm can be filled from the inside – not by being loved, but by loving other people. Reach out, be honest, share what you are feeling and express your sincere desire for the welfare of others. You may be surprised at what happens next. Spread your bread upon many waters and you will get it back. 

9. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach 😂

 This is a debatable

 misconception but one that is usually exploited by most men because it has eaten deep into the fabric of the African mentality, because you are busy cooking for this guy  and all his friends are busy hailing you here and there will not make him love you, your understanding in the kitchen does not equal his love, your character is what is being measured, not your cooking skill, although it is an added advantage it is not a guarantee.

10. Love is Supposed to Be Difficult 😅

The predominant depiction of love in movies and on TV especially all this korean and Indian films our sisters watching 😂 is that love is supposed to be a challenge, something you fight for at all costs and don’t ever give up on. While this certainly makes for good entertainment, it’s not a realistic portrayal of love. 

Relationships do take work, but falling in love (in a healthy way) is a relatively effortless process.  It’s not filled with hours of analyzing what he meant when he said XYZ…or feeling a sense of impending doom at all times…or making these grand sacrifices and compromising who you are for the sake of the one you love. 

This is not what love looks like! When someone truly loves you, you will not have to mold yourself in order to fit with them, the pieces will naturally click.

 The drama so often associated with love usually only applies to unhealthy relationships, ones that result from infatuation, obsession, or unrealistic expectations, rather than a genuine connection. A healthy, loving relationship is one where two people can be their authentic selves and look at what they can give to the relationship, rather than what they can get from it. Both people complement each other and are able to give what the other needs, and happily receive what their partner has to give. You should never have to fight for someone’s love, or plot ways to make someone love you.  When it’s real and genuine, it will flow easily and effortlessly. 

11. Sex is Love 😒

That's a big lie from the devil in which he uses to destroy people, the bible tells us specifically that the bed should be undefiled before marriage. Nevertheless because you guys are having sex does not mean there is love in that relationship. The people involve are just satisfying their lust and if the attraction was built on that, the relationship will definitely not stand the test of time. 

12. You “Just Know” When It’s Right/Waiting for Mr/mrs perfect 🙈

One of the biggest misconceptions about love is that you “just know” when you find the “right one.” The mentality frees you of all responsibility in your love life… you don’t need to work on yourself or prepare for love, just go about your business and someday the right one will drop into your life and you’ll just know.

In order to fall in love with the right person, you need to be in the right place emotionally and spiritually. If you don’t find love from within, you will never be able to let it in from the outside. No one likes to talk about this part though because this takes work, and the idea of some perfect person just entering your life and being the other half of your circle, the yin to your yang,  is just so much easier, and far more romantic.

In order to correctly identify the right one for you, you need to know who you are. You need to know your values, your boundaries, your fundamental needs, your wants, what you can compromise on, and what your absolute deal breakers are. When you are in this place and the right person comes along,  the one who understands you and sees you and connects with you and can give you what you need in a relationship, it will feel right and you will just know.

 It’s also worth noting that love is something that can grow over time, it’s not always instant fireworks that erupt as soon as your eyes meet. A lot of the time women reject perfectly good guys after a few dates because they “just didn’t feel it.” I’m not saying you should settle, but I am saying you should adjust your idea of what love should feel like. I know plenty of happily married women who almost didn’t give their now-husbands a second date. I’m not saying love at first site can’t, or doesn’t, ever happen–it does, I’ve seen it–but it doesn’t guarantee you a happier, more fulfilling relationship. It’s just another means to get to the same destination, one that can be just as easily achieved slowly.

A lot of the time we reject the guys who would be good to us (and for us) because we are not yet in a place where we can receive true love. Instead we feel drawn to the guys who are unavailable and get caught up in trying to prove our worth and show him we’re good enough. This toxic dating style happens when you don’t feel worthy of love on some level…and going after these kinds of guys validates that notion. The funny thing about the human mind, whether you realize it or not, is it’s always looking to validate beliefs, no matter how damaging said beliefs are. If you think no one likes you, your mind will ignore all the evidence that you are likable and will hone in on only those specific incidents when someone rejected you.